PROVIDENCE – Many times in life we make decisions. We make decisions to participate in different aspects of life. We sign up for workshops and courses. We plan trips; we are constantly planning for the future.

I never like making decisions but I always make them and never regret them, for each decision has the ability to teach us a lesson.

I made the decision to present my business, Magenta Sun Healing, over and over again, as part of a business plan competition, and I ignored that it was draining me. I did it to get recognition along with money to fund myself. [See link below to ConvergenceRI article, “Winner of the NFTE biz plan competition shares her story.”]

In the end I made it to New England Regionals semifinals, and thankfully, it ended there.

For me, it was torturous; no one deserves to be stood up on a stage and judged. It felt as though I was a part of a beauty pageant but instead of just the way I looked, it was about what I am doing with my life, the way I present myself, and if I make “mistakes.”

We were trained to talk a certain way, stand a certain way, act a certain way. The lesson I learned is to be myself in every situation and not to let stress or anxiety or fear get in my way – and never to conform to what others want of me, for it does not matter what they want, it matters what I need.

A few months later I signed up for the Youth Earthship Academy in New Mexico, and I attended. The reason I signed up was because I thought it would teach me how to live off the grid, sustainably and comfortably, which sounded amazing, since that’s one of my goals in life.

Yet, since I signed up, I could not shake the feelings I had. Something felt off, something felt as though I would not be there for long, I felt a pull not to leave home and not to go to New Mexico. But, still I did.

When I got there, event after event happened that made me more and more miserable. Earthships are amazing, but I felt, I was not supposed to be there, and it did not feel right. At the same time I am glad that I went.

Lessons learned
I learned several lessons. The first is not to think that my future self will take care of future situations. I need to think thoroughly about things.

The second is that in the end, I need to listen to my heart and my mind and when my mind, body and soul are telling me something, they cannot be ignored.

The next is that my well-being is more important than any amount of money. Money is worthless; it is us humans that give it worth, and although it can be helpful and can be a tool, it can also be abused and can be a controlling method.

Along with this, we need to always stand up for what we believe in. If we do not, then we will never learn and grow naturally. And finally, if we do not give up and always believe in ourselves then we will achieve our goals.

Our intuition is meant to guide us and move us forward. Reason and logic can always falter for it is based on the perspective and the past of the person but, intuition and guidance will always move us forward. Our comfort zone is meant to be broken and our hearts are meant to be open.

I will continue to be myself, to learn from my experiences and to always, always move forward. Nothing will stop me from helping others grow and from saving the beings on this planet from corruption and greed.

Chloe Moers is a frequent contributor to ConvergenceRI.