PROVIDENCE – What you focus on becomes your reality. Look, I’m not a major fan of bumper sticker clichés, but sometimes I can’t help it. They’re common for a reason.

My life has departed from the path I once envisioned -- I’m sober, I’m divorced, I’m a single mom of one. And, as I approach 40, I live with my own mom.

I have always been fascinated by personal storylines and narratives. What are the narratives that we have about ourselves? And, what about the narratives that others have about us?

When narratives and storylines converge.  
I often reflect upon how differently I may be described by those folks who know me. It’s something we all can reflect on – that differing perspectives and stories are part of the human experience.

According to one family member: I’m a “Type A” personality and probably could try to relax a little.

According to another: I’m deeply kind and funny.

To some friends: I’m bad with time management and lovably goofy.

To others: I’m the voice of compassion. To one former friend, I suspect that I’m painfully conventional.

Exes might say:  I’m not trustworthy.

The image in the mirror    
My boyfriend can’t stop telling me how much he loves me [and I him]. I can name a few people who think that I’m a failure on some level. Or, that I’m not fulfilling my potential. Or, that I’m a traitor.

My daughter knows that I would go to the ends of the Earth for her and that my love is unconditional.

The answer depends on whom we ask    
So, what I’m like depends on whom we ask. This tells me a few things, some more obvious than others: We are all deeply multifaceted; interpersonal relationships reveal different versions of ourselves.

And, it’s best not to put too much emphasis on the narratives that others may have about you [especially the negative].

I want to take a moment on that last observation. You can’t control the narrative that others have about you. For those of us in the recovery/mental health space, that can be a hurdle.

Actions have consequences, and taking accountability for damage caused while under the influence is a deeply important – but not a fun – part of sobriety. Some people might be open to that, and others may never be. The best we can do is change our behavior and focus on healing – and moving forward.

Whether your journey is about sobriety or not, here’s something else I have realized: Don’t continue to engage with people or situations that are committed to misunderstanding you. It’s annoying as hell, but it’s just not worth the time or energy.

Build a life you love by focusing on joy    
What I have chosen to focus on is building a simple life that I love.

I’ve noticed that the more I do that, the easier it becomes to see sparkling moments of joy in my every day world. I’ve shifted my perspective: Yes, my marriage failed – and that allowed both of us to grow and find better-suited partners. No, I never had any more children – so I can pour all of myself into my one wonderful girl.

No, I don’t make a ton of money – but I have enough for everything I need and plenty that I want. Yes, I struggle with anxiety – and my mind also has given me a deep sense of empathy and awareness.

Yes, I live with my mother as an adult – and I get to see her build a strong relationship with my daughter as a result.

It’s my mom    
My mom is a particularly important person to me. She is someone who has shown me unconditional love, who makes me laugh constantly, and who has shaped my world in so many ways. She has been my cheerleader and my safe space for many many years now.

I’ve asked her to join me here in writing this column next month to share some of her observations about building a sober life that you love – but from her perspective, as a grandmother and mother, in retirement and rediscovering joy.

We have had so many conversations about mental health, false narratives about women and aging, gratitude’s insane power, making friends as an adult, contented sobriety, why community matters, redefining success, how intergenerational living has been such an unexpected silver lining for both of us, and so much more.

Honest conversations about experiences and struggles that are part of the human experience – but they are not talked about too much in the public discourse.

There is wisdom in sharing, and I’m excited to dig in together.

Katherine ‘Katy’ Linwood writes a monthly column on sobriety, “The Bright Side,” for ConvergenceRI. Connect with her on IG@katherine.linwood